Family Reunion After 13 Years
The truth about it is no family is without issues. I have two sisters one older and one younger. The problem was my oldest sister chose to forgive my biological father. Me not so much. Very much still in the angry stages of the process. Which well have those feelings being young and dumb . In my own head I told myself they were pressuring me to make amends with him. So like any adult I throw an adult like tantrum and cut off all ties. Add pregnancy to the mix of emotions . Thats a bomb in itself.
It took a while for us to find a way back to each other. simply because I was not ready yet. The fear still was that I would be pressured to have this relationship with someone I did not know. The hardest feeling in the world is to know that this person was my father. In the same token he acted like someone you would meet on the street. Like the conversations were uncomfortable to have. Not know how to even act with this person. Getting off subject here. we got her phone number from my little sister . she always stayed in contact. then it happened .
Why Did You Reach ?
Yes that was a question she did ask me ? I told her the simple truth of it. it was time to put it to rest. Being completely honest with her and said what I felt . I said sorry for being a brat. And we just got the closure That was need For us in that moment . The thing is my father leaving was the hugest pain in my life yes. I also forgot to take into account she lost that to if not more.
After she left to return to her family .I missed her like crazy and so did my kids. It leaves you in a weird space of so what now ? We still talk and have fun while she is somewhere else. I still had some feelings to get out of me . That pain of the absence of my father was still very much present with me. Like a memory forever burned into my mind . I could not shake that feeling. So doing what comes naturally to me . I wrote a poem about all those emotions I felt from when I was younger to being older. It’s called the wishing well .
The Wishing Well
As I sit and dwell
Wishing on that wishing well
Wondering if you could tell me
Can I turn back the hands of time please ?
All I see is how much pain your absence causes me .
Wondering would I still be the same woman I am today ?
Would you have stood by my hospital bedside ?
The many nights I cried and cried
Would you have dried the tears from my very eyes if you hadn’t said good bye ?
As I sit and dwell wondering on this wishing well
If you had not left would I still have felt that pain ?
The hole that your absence left in my heart.
That pain that drives some insane.
That they will do anything to stop that pain.
As I close my eyes and promise to never give that power to anyone else .
Maybe I will be old and gray
Die alone and just working from day to day
With my days running into each others.
That pain I get just makes me shutter .
As I sit and dwell
Noticing that sunrise by the wishing well
Feeling that pain slowly fade away.
Realizing that I have people in my corner .
People who make my life complete.
People who are fearless warriors of peace.
The love you never gave made a way for others to save.
As I dust off my pants as I rise .
Look up and enjoy the sunrise.
Makes me feel so blessed inside .
Fore even through the loss and pain
I made it by the grace of god .
To be a strong woman today.
Siting and dwelling at this wishing well .
Let The Healing Begin
The thing about family is they are complicated relationships . Healing on both side of our family was a blessing. My 80 year old grandmother was able to have the whole family together at last. no issues or fighting . just fun and dancing the night away. We even stayed over my little sisters house to enjoy some more time with her. My kids of course fell in love with there aunt . She was always the computer wiz in the family along side my little sister . saying that makes me smile. In short sometimes you just need to get real with each other and talk from the heart. Hopefully you can come to some agreement . If not. At least you gave it shot .