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Learning To Love Yourself

This story comes from a friend of mine. Who wishes to remain anonymous.all the same it shows how even in the craziest circumstances. You can still triumph.

The Beginning

When we got married he was the most amazing person best friend who we shared a bond with.then he deployed for the first time. it at the beginning of the war.they were the first out there.when he came home . was like he was in a daze.withdrawn,looking into space,and jumping in his sleep.Thinking maybe it was just him needing to decompress maybe.there certain things they can’t talk about.respecting that Oath is him the space he needs was what I thought he needed.

The Breakdown

Coming home from work one day he was sitting on the bed. Just staring into space as usual.I finally had enough. Standing in front of him I told him everything.after pouring my heart out to him. He started to cry and apologize for not being there fully.hearing some of the war stories is definitely scary. We made up and moved on .thinking things would get better .

The Scare

Let’s fast forward a couple of years now under our belt. Couple of more tours as well. We had some kids. Outside looking in we were the perfect family .Dig deep enough you could see the cracks.the split hair temper, screaming, angry almost all the time.night time had gotten worse.the running in the sleep,jumping,choking even like he could not breath.then one night he started patrolling the house.the kids were all asleep .what should I do?

Stuck Mentally Afar

Many nights he would start patrolling the he was stuck in some war movie.being up with him at night the. Taking care of the kids during the day. I started to feel like I failed him and my family. somehow  was like he could not turn it off.he was up before the alarm clock would ring. Even on vacation it would go great till a day before he had to sign in. Him tossing and turning all night . Not able to sleep.

Rock Bottom

That’s what it felt like to I was stuck in some nightmare that I could not wake up from. Feeling like a failure,angry,depressed all the time. I felt like I was drowning slowly and did not know how to make it stop.started getting out the house more. No kids just me. I loved those times where I just felt free from it all . Not worrying about anyone . Being selfish for once . That’s when I knew I had last that connection to myself.this submissive type was not me at all.what was I showing our kids.more importantly why was I allowing it?

No More

While waiting for the kids to go to bed. Taking the first step to stop allowing all of this.feeling like I was the only one in this marriage holding it together by myself. We agreed to get him some help. OK let’s be honest there was me going to all the proper channels to find him help.the one that help make this happen . The Chaplin is your best friend. Talk with them and they  will help you both out.

The Fallout


After sleep study , marriage counseling,personal therapy and PTSD counseling. We are at a much better place. I wanted to share this story because. Family is now starting to be in first place now instead of work.heck I even went to therapy as I found out I needed some self work to.there is no place in a marriage for ego’s. We started doing the work.making time for ourselves.

Why Tell Your Story ?

There are so many more out people out here . Staying silent . Dealing with it. Like your weak for not speaking up.your not weak but stronger then You give yourself credit For. If our story can help another couple going through it. That’s a win. You hear so many story’s about couples that don’t make it.there’s just as many that do.

The Greatest Gift

When you hit rock bottom it’s hard to stand back up. Being stuck in your head all the time is the worse thing.being mentally beat down and fragile. Somehow even in those dark moments .Some light manages to break through . Self love for yourself starts to take root. Just like any flower that you want to grow. It needs the right balance of water and sunlight to grow.always remember there is no other person like you in this world.

The Gift

Don’t fall in love with a flower then try to change it’s scent
Enjoy living life in the moment the way it always meant
Spending so much time wishing we could turn back the hands of time
For every error we ever made was a lesson learned
How to embrace our flaws and move on a little more wiser
Leaving the people behind that we simply out grew
Let’s be real about it you always knew
Just like all that glitters ain’t really gold
If you forget all the lesson you ever learned in life just remember this
Always believe in your self because you are the greatest gift .


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